Episode [482]- Items From Seinfeld Episodes We Would Like To Have- March 12, 2026

The podcast that starts with a little bit of standup at the begining.

Participants

• Ian Karmel: recently went heavy at the gym

• Sean Jordan: Will float you a check, just don't cash it till Monday

• David Gborie: Not really into Entourage

• Jay Larson: Seinfeld is his number one show of all time, collects golf balls, built an 8-foot Lego table for his kids

Draft Order

This week's winner of Rock, Paper, Scissors is David.

This week's draft is a serpentine draft. David sets the order as David, Jay, Ian, Sean.

Serpentine Explanation

"It's like blowing your nose one nostril, then the other."

Round 1

Pick 1.1 | David Gborie | The Bro (the Mansière)

Pick 1.2 | Jay Larson | The Soup Nazi's Recipes

Pick 1.3 | Ian Karmel | George Costanza's Erotic Photograph

Pick 1.4 | Sean Jordan | The Festivus Pole

Round 2

Pick 2.1 | Sean Jordan | The Puffy Shirt

Pick 2.2 | Ian Karmel | Fusilli Jerry

Pick 2.3 | Jay Larson | The Titleist Golf Ball from the Whale's Blowhole

Pick 2.4 | David Gborie | The Moops Trivial Pursuit Card

Round 3

Pick 3.1 | David Gborie | John Voigt's Pencil (from the LeBaron)

Pick 3.2 | Jay Larson | Jerry's Parents' Condo at Del Boca Vista

Pick 3.3 | Ian Karmel | The Merv Griffin Show Set

Pick 3.4 | Sean Jordan | Jerry's Bad Check (from Little Jerry Seinfeld)

Round 4

Pick 4.1 | Sean Jordan | The Junior Mint

Pick 4.2 | Ian Karmel | The Technicolor Dream Coat

Pick 4.3 | Jay Larson | The Book Astonishing Tales of the Sea

Pick 4.4 | David Gborie | The Assman License Plate

Round 5

Pick 5.1 | David Gborie | Elaine's Christmas Card (with the Nipple)

Pick 5.2 | Jay Larson | Centrax Stock

Pick 5.3 | Ian Karmel | The Marble Rye

Pick 5.4 | Sean Jordan | George's Wallet

Producer Pick:

Pick 5.5 | Isaac Lee | George's Massive Gore-Tex Coat

Quotes From This Episode

• "The sea was angry that day, my friends. Like an old man trying to return soup to a deli." — Ian Karmel

• "Stew shot first." — Jay Larson

• "I'm the Assman." — David Gborie

Episode [479] – Mom Jams-- February 19, 2026

The episode that called their moms.

The playlist: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLtZEfNrZaL_iNRiAHZ9ZzSF-mJJllUTUs&si=qspXYKUv0qyjSjJ5

Participants

Ian Karmel – Host. Former skeptic of Bruno Mars.

Sean Jordan – His mom loves hot wet men.

David Gborie – Chronicler of men-ain’t-shit anthems.

Jason Concepcion – Bringing his short set to New Orleans

Draft Order

Rock, Paper, Scissors Winner: Sean Jordan, with a natural victory

Serpentine Description:

Like if you are tossing and turning in bed

Draft Order:

Sean

David

Jason

Ian

Round 1

1.1 | Sean Jordan | “Crazy Bitch” – Buckcherry

1.2 | David Gborie | “Tyrone” – Erykah Badu

1.3 | Jason Concepcion | “Uptown Funk” – Mark Ronson ft. Bruno Mars

1.4 | Ian Karmel | “So Far Away” – Carole King

Round 2

2.1 | Ian | “Nick of Time” – Bonnie Raitt

2.2 | Jason | “American Pie” – Don McLean

2.3 | David | “Straight Up” – Paula Abdul

2.4 | Sean | “I Still Believe” – Tim Cappello (The Lost Boys)

Round 3

3.1 | Sean | “More Than Words” – Extreme

3.2 | David | “I Will Survive” – Gloria Gaynor

3.3 | Jason | “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart” – Elton John & Kiki Dee

3.4 | Ian | “Fire and Rain” – James Taylor

Round 4

4.1 | Ian | “Killing Me Softly” – Roberta Flack

4.2 | Jason | “Smooth” – Santana ft. Rob Thomas

4.3 | David | “Like a Prayer” – Madonna

4.4 | Sean | “High Enough” – Damn Yankees

Round 5

5.1 | Sean | “Any Man of Mine” – Shania Twain

5.2 | David | “Not Gon’ Cry” – Mary J. Blige

5.3 | Jason | “Waterfalls” – TLC

5.4 | Ian | “I Want to Come Over” – Melissa Etheridge

Producer Pick

Isaac | “In the Sanctuary” – Kurt Carr

Donnie Babylon (Zach Harper) | Sweet Dreams by …, When Doves Cry by Prince, Total Eclipse of the Heart

Notable Quotes

“Lake moms.” — Sean

“Men really ain’t shit.” — David

“Was he busted?” — Group discussion re: Elton John

“She dances like her feet hurt a little bit.” — On Mary J. Blige

"I've got money, means you don’t have money"— David Gborie

"We would’ve gotten James Taylor live in Turkey."— Ian Karmel

Episode [478] Things You Call Someone When You Forget Their Name- February 12, 2026

The episode that is getting into the short set game

Participants

Ian Karmel: has seersucker

Sean Jordan: one of the only ethical pimps

David Gborie: came prepared to draft deli meat

Jamal Johnson: still on east coast time, not accepted by a lesbian run basketball group

Draft Order

This week’s winner of Rock, Paper, Scissors is David Gborie.

This week’s draft is a serpentine draft
Like pressure washing a driveway back and forth

Order:
David
Jamal
Ian
Sean

Round 1

Pick 1.1 | David Gborie | Big Dog
Pick 1.2 | Jamal Johnson | Bro
Pick 1.3 | Ian Karmel | Man
Pick 1.4 | Sean Jordan | Dude

Round 2

Pick 2.1 | Sean Jordan | Playboy
Pick 2.2 | Ian Karmel | Buddy
Pick 2.3 | Jamal Johnson | Baby
Pick 2.4 | David Gborie | Pal

Round 3

Pick 3.1 | David Gborie | Brody
Pick 3.2 | Jamal Johnson | Slim
Pick 3.3 | Ian Karmel | Chief
Pick 3.4 | Sean Jordan | Son

Round 4

Pick 4.1 | Sean Jordan | Trouble
Pick 4.2 | Ian Karmel | My Friend
Pick 4.3 | Jamal Johnson | Hey
Pick 4.4 | David Gborie | Boss

Round 5

Pick 5.1 | David Gborie | Haus
Pick 5.2 | Sean Jordan | Big Time
Pick 5.3 | Jamal Johnson | My Guy
Pick 5.4 | Sean Jordan | Dog

Producer Pick

Isaac Lee | Darling

Quotes From This Episode

“Boobs is not the same as penis.” — David Gborie

“Bro can be affectionate or it can start a fight.” — Jamal Johnson

Episode [365]- The Suburbs- December 14, 2023

The podcast whose guest is mostly open-mic-er these days.

Participants

Ian Karmel: Claims mailbox money is still incredibly wet.

Sean Jordan: Living in his old bedroom surrounded by angel posters.

David Gborie: Reminiscing about fights and chaos at the Chinese Man Theater parking lot.

Shane Torres: Touring comedian and “The Blue-Eyed Mexican.”

Draft Order

This week’s winner of Rock, Paper, Scissors is Sean Jordan.

Serpentine explanation:

Like putting mustard on a Chicago glizzy — starting at the bottom and zig-zagging your way to the top.

Sean sets the draft order as:

Shane

Sean

David

Ian

⸻

Round 1

Pick 1.1 | Shane Torres | Petty vandalism

Pick 1.2 | Sean Jordan | Chain restaurants

Pick 1.3 | David Gborie | Mom beefs

Pick 1.4 | Ian Karmel | Getting drunk at chain restaurants

⸻

Round 2

Pick 2.1 | Ian Karmel | Parks at night

Pick 2.2 | David Gborie | Holiday decorations

Pick 2.3 | Sean Jordan | Small summer festivals

Pick 2.4 | Shane Torres | Going into the city as a teenager

⸻

Round 3

Pick 3.1 | Shane Torres | Finding a crooked convenience store that sells booze

Pick 3.2 | Sean Jordan | Slower driving

Pick 3.3 | David Gborie | Bands that only play suburban venues

Pick 3.4 | Ian Karmel | Well-stocked pantries

⸻

Round 4

Pick 4.1 | Ian Karmel | The one independent coffee shop

Pick 4.2 | David Gborie | Hanging out in parking lots

Pick 4.3 | Sean Jordan | Bowling / entertainment complexes

Pick 4.4 | Shane Torres | Driving by friends doing chores and roasting them

⸻

Round 5

Pick 5.1 | Shane Torres | Getting drunk in a garage and staying up until the donut shop opens

Pick 5.2 | Sean Jordan | Booze cruising

Pick 5.3 | David Gborie | MILFs and DILFs

Pick 5.4 | Ian Karmel | Active construction sites

⸻

Notable Quotes

“San Francisco? With Nancy Pelosi?”-- Shane Torres

“Why would they put calorie counts on the menu at the Cheesecake Factory?"-- Ian Karmel

“If all bagels cost the same price, that’s socialism.”-- Ian Karmel

Episode [364] - Foods We Ate When We Were Broke - December 7, 2023

Credit:  AdSpare2727

The episode that knows the differences between blimps, zeppelins, dirigibles, and airships

Participants

Ian Karmel: Has never watched stand-up comedy

Sean Jordan: Has been given shit for laughing too early

Shane Torres: Florence Pugh defends his feet on podcasts 

Sam Evans: Baller on a budget

Serpentine Explanation

It’s like when you’re ripping ass around the lake on a jetski. 

Draft Order

Shane Torres (natural/unnatural unknown)

Shane Torres sets the draft order as:

Ian

Sam

Shane

Sean

Round 1

Pick 1.1 | Ian Karmel | Totino’s Party Pizza with sriracha and ranch

Pick 1.2 | Sam Evans | Wendy’s Junior Bacon Cheeseburger (3 for $3)

Pick 1.3 | Shane Torres | Purloined chicken fried steak from the restaurant where he worked

Pick 1.4 | Sean Jordan | El Monterey microwave burritos

Round 2

Pick 2.1 | Sean Jordan | Hormel chili 

Pick 2.2 | Shane Torres | Ill-gotten chicken finger from a customer’s order

Pick 2.3 | Sam Evans | Cereal, specifically Cocoa Krispies

Pick 2.4 | Ian Karmel | Land O’ Frost turkey

Round 3

Pick 3.1 | Ian Karmel | 7-eleven Big Gulp cup full of nacho cheese

Pick 3.2 | Sam Evans | 5 for $1.25 Chinatown dumplings 

Pick 3.3 | Shane Torres | Day old bakery rack

Pick 3.4 | Sean Jordan | Plaid Pantry jerky & “cheese” packs

Round 4

Pick 4.1 | Sean Jordan | Instant mashed potatoes 

Pick 4.2 | Shane Torres | MREs 

Pick 4.3 | Sam Evans |  Rice, cheese & hot sauce

Pick 4.4 | Ian Karmel | Quesadillas 

Round 5

Pick 5.1 | Ian Karmel | big ol’ bag of spinach

Pick 5.2 | Sam Evans | His roommate’s clementines 

Pick 5.3 | Shane Torres | 2 for $1 Jack in the Box tacos

Pick 5.4 | Sean Jordan | Little Debbie snack cakes

Producer’s Pick 

Isaac Lee | NYC $1 slice pizza 

Quotes From This Episode

“It’s a big place, YouTube.” -Sean Jordan

“I don’t give a fuck if my surgeon knows his way around a potato.” -Ian Karmel 

“If you comment ‘soft taco’ you’ll see Sean’s ‘husband's bulge.’” -Shane Torres

“I’m Hollywood’s last bad boy, dude, I don’t know what to tell you. I’m doing lines of Grape Nuts in the Rainbow Room, dude, fuckin’ 1:00pm.” -Ian Karmel

Episode [363] - Historical Figures on Instagram - November 30, 2023

credit: AdSpare2727

The episode that loves you, could kiss you

Participants

Ian Karmel: His bar mitzvah was not a Hand Job City, it was a Magic the Gathering

Sean Jordan: Laura and Max left town and he got pinkeye, or vice versa

David Gborie: The guy figuring it out

Blair Socci: Is having 90s Diet Hot Mom Stockholm Syndrome

  

Serpentine Explanation

When your dog is in the backyard sniffing around for a place to poop. 

Draft Order

Sean Jordan - natural victory, scissors against two papers

Sean Jordan sets the draft order as:

Sean

Blair

David

Ian 

Round 1

Pick 1.1 | Sean Jordan | The Colosseum 

Pick 1.2 | Blair Socci | Napoleon Bonaparte

Pick 1.3 | David Gborie | Jesus 

Pick 1.4 | Ian Karmel | Mansa Musa 

Round 2

Pick 2.1 | Ian Karmel with an on-mic assist from Dana Schwartz | Marie Antoinette

Pick 2.2 | David Gborie | Grigori Rasputin

Pick 2.3 | Blair Socci | Anne Boleyn 

Pick 2.4 | Sean Jordan | Doc Holliday (Ian: “We need to get you some new guys”)

Round 3

Pick 3.1 | Sean Jordan | Marilyn Monroe 

Pick 3.2 | Blair Socci | Andre the Giant 

Pick 3.3 | David Gborie | Benjamin Franklin 

Pick 3.4 | Ian Karmel | George Herman “Babe” Ruth 

Round 4

Pick 4.1 | Ian Karmel | King Ludwig II of Bavaria, “The Swan King”  

Pick 4.2 | David Gborie | Jackie “Moms” Mabley

Pick 4.3 | Blair Socci | Pocahontas 

Pick 4.4 | Sean Jordan | Leonardo da Vinci 

Round 5

Pick 5.1 | Sean Jordan | Al Capone 

Pick 5.2 | Blair Socci | Albert Einstein 

Pick 5.3 | David Gborie | Siddhartha Gautama aka the Buddha 

Pick 5.4 | Ian Karmel | Jack Johnson, the "Galveston Giant"

Producer’s Pick 

Isaac K. “RLPD” Lee | William Shakespeare 

Honorable Mentions

Lord Byron, Zelda Fitzgerald, Michelangelo, Emily Dickinson, Sylvia Plath, Hilda Doolittle, Howard Huges, Marquis de Sade, Blackbeard, Tupac Shakur

Quotes From This Episode

“That’s a Big Dog guarantee.” -David Gborie

“Pussy doesn’t come out of red leather, I’ll tell you that” - Blair Socci

“I always wanted to be in that room.” -Sean Jordan / “Well why don’t you draft the room next?” -Ian Karmel

“He was a little mad, Bavari interesting.” -Sean Jordan

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity. And I’m not sure about the universe, so use a rubber LOL.” -Blair Socci

Notable Show Canon Events

Blair names Isaac the “Red Leather Pussy Destroyer” [1:16:54] after hearing about his new Alfa Romeo. 

First (or second?) show reference to Shane Torres accidentally publishing all of his Twitter drafts at once

Episode [362] – Sodas- November 23, 2023

Episode Tagline

Hey, if you were looking for a podcast, this is one of them.

Participants

Ian Karmel: One of the great male white over-30 feminists. Closeted Protestant.

Sean Jordan: Swapping gum in CCD, eats hotdogs for breakfast.

David Gborie: Cherry Coke traditionalist. Cream soda connoisseur.

Katie Nolan: Fresca evangelist. Apple soda truther.

Draft Order

This week’s Rock, Paper, Scissors resulted in a three-way tie.

Ian had previously declared that in the event of a tie, he would choose the draft order. In a stunning turn of events, Ian picked the draft order.

Serpentine explanation:
Ian's: Bouncing back and forth between the right side of Ian’s brain and the left side of his brain.

Sean's: Like running with Bo Jackson in Tecmo Bowl.

Draft order:

Katie
David
Sean
Ian

Round 1

Pick 1.1 | Katie Nolan | Dr Pepper
Pick 1.2 | David Gborie | Cherry Coke
Pick 1.3 | Sean Jordan | Mountain Dew
Pick 1.4 | Ian Karmel | Diet Coke

Round 2

Pick 2.1 | Ian Karmel | 7-Up
Pick 2.2 | Sean Jordan | Barq’s Root Beer
Pick 2.3 | David Gborie | IBC Cream Soda
Pick 2.4 | Katie Nolan | Sunkist Orange

Round 3

Pick 3.1 | Katie Nolan | Fresca
Pick 3.2 | David Gborie | Vernor's Ginger Ale
Pick 3.3 | Sean Jordan | Welch’s Grape Soda
Pick 3.4 | Ian Karmel | Squirt

Round 4

Pick 4.1 | Ian Karmel | Dr Brown’s Dark Cherry
Pick 4.2 | Sean Jordan | Pineapple Jarritos
Pick 4.3 | David Gborie | Cactus Cooler
Pick 4.4 | Katie Nolan | Coca-Cola

Round 5

Pick 5.1 | Katie Nolan | Manzanita Sol
Pick 5.2 | David Gborie | Jolly Rancher Watermelon Soda
Pick 5.3 | Sean Jordan | Mountain Dew Baja Blast
Pick 5.4 | Ian Karmel | Cheerwine

Notable Quotes

“Diet Cody.” — Sean Jordan

“We’re talking about CCD and you’re talking about ABC (already been chewed).” — Katie Nolan

“I am one of the great male white over-30 feminists.” — Ian Karmel

“Not every fart is a turd secret.” — Katie Nolan

“If you leave a Mountain Dew out for too long, the Evanescence is gone.” — Sean Jordan

“I heard it’s just pee (refering to Squirt the soda).” — Katie Nolan