Episode [506] - Shower Thoughts - August 27, 2026

Rejoice, All Family, for the Big Dog is back.

Participants

• Ian Karmel: plugging the AFE 10 year anniversary show at the Aladdin Theater in Portland on September 26th, went on a tangent about whether Marc Maron knew "lock the gates on these fuckheads" from Almost Famous would become quotable
• Sean Jordan: headlining a night of the Motor City Comedy Festival in Detroit on September 17th, playing the AFE anniversary show September 26th, confessed to sneaking a day old Taco Bell double-decker out of a dumpster-- in shame.
• David Gborie: no new dates, plugging his podcast Mom Told Me with Langston, staying in shape so he doesn't have to get in shape
• Blair Socci (guest, @blairsocci): dates in San Francisco September 4th, Cincinnati's Commonwealth Comedy Club September 11th and 12th, San Diego September 16th, and Raleigh, North Carolina November 5th through 7th, plugging her podcast Spaced Out, told a story about getting cornered on a boat by a guy she'd just been overheard badmouthing for cheating on his wife

Winner of Rock Paper Scissors: David (after two throws that didn't count)

Draft Order: David, Blair, Ian, Sean

Serpentine Explanation:  Its like a needle on a lie detector test.

Round 1

Pick 1.1 | David Gborie | Fake conversations with people you know

Pick 1.2 | Blair Socci | Whether to shave her toe hair

Pick 1.3 | Ian Karmel | Whatever video game he's playing at that moment

Pick 1.4 | Sean Jordan | Whether he's actually going to wash his feet today

Round 2

Pick 2.1 | Sean Jordan | How cool it looks that all his body hair flows the same direction

Pick 2.2 | Ian Karmel | Why hippos are considered cute when they're so dangerous

Pick 2.3 | Blair Socci | The psychic who predicted first alien contact during the World Cup

Pick 2.4 | David Gborie | YouTube comments

Round 3

Pick 3.1 | David Gborie | Elementary school

Pick 3.2 | Blair Socci | Earthquakes

Pick 3.3 | Ian Karmel | Whether his house is sitting on a deposit of rare earth minerals

Pick 3.4 | Sean Jordan | Whether today is the day he discovers he can actually sing or freestyle

Round 4

Pick 4.1 | Sean Jordan | Whether the towel he's about to use is too dirty

Pick 4.2 | Ian Karmel | How they pick who becomes a ghost

Pick 4.3 | Blair Socci | Why it's impossible to shave her own asshole

Pick 4.4 | David Gborie | Stand-up comedy

Round 5

Pick 5.1 | David Gborie | Whether his muscles are getting bigger

Pick 5.2 | Blair Socci | Whatever happened to the guy from the boat

Pick 5.3 | Ian Karmel | What other animals humans could have ended up riding

Pick 5.4 | Sean Jordan | Whether his amount of eye floaters is normal

Producer's Pick

That line from Sherlock where Moiriatty says, "because that's what people do!"

Quotes From This Episode

• "I ate it by the dumpster and I was like, don't tell him." - Sean Jordan, on hiding a day old Taco Bell double-decker from a friend
• "I'm boycotting Panda Express until the Blazers thing gets worked out." - Ian Karmel
• "Men would fuck a door." - Blair Socci
• "My skin doesn't die. My skin multiplies." - Ian Karmel
• "I'm nasty. That's the truth." - David Gborie
• "I stay up and I just look at the Frodo toes." - Blair Socci, on her toe hair pick

Episode [505] - Recess - August 20, 2026

Who ate all the pussy?

Participants

• Ian Karmel: plugging the AFE 10 year anniversary show at the Aladdin Theater in Portland on September 26th, planning free livestreams with David during Sean's Midwest run, bringing Binaca breath spray back
• Sean Jordan: playing Comedy Corner Underground in Minneapolis August 23rd, the Lincoln Lodge in Chicago September 17th, headlining a night of the Motor City Comedy Festival in Detroit, and the AFE anniversary show September 26th, went to the mat defending South Dakota as solidly Midwest
• David Gborie: no new dates, also doing the free livestreams with Ian during Sean's shows.

Winner of Rock Paper Scissors: Sean

Draft Order: David, Sean, Ian

Serpentine Explanation: Sean skipped the explanation entirely this time and just read off the order.

Round 1

Pick 1.1 | David Gborie | Settling scores

Pick 1.2 | Sean Jordan | Four square

Pick 1.3 | Ian Karmel | Seeing the girl you have a crush on

Round 2

Pick 2.1 | Ian Karmel | Swings

Pick 2.2 | Sean Jordan | Kickball

Pick 2.3 | David Gborie | Rain

Round 3

Pick 3.1 | David Gborie | Tetherball

Pick 3.2 | Sean Jordan | King of the Hill on a snow mountain

Pick 3.3 | Ian Karmel | Staying in and playing a computer game

Round 4

Pick 4.1 | Ian Karmel | Football

Pick 4.2 | Sean Jordan | Tag

Pick 4.3 | David Gborie | Going out of bounds

Round 5

Pick 5.1 | David Gborie | Romance

Pick 5.2 | Sean Jordan | Finding snakes

Pick 5.3 | Ian Karmel | Wall ball

Producer's Pick

Isaac | Basketball, even though he admitted he didn't actually play it until middle school

Quotes From This Episode

• "Banaka really will set you back." - David Gborie, on the discontinued breath spray
• "I'd go to an adult four square league, probably." - Sean Jordan, on his first pick
• "I put a fake snake in her desk." - Ian Karmel, on an elementary school crush
• "I don't need to be given anything, firmly in the Midwest." - Sean Jordan, defending South Dakota
• "We had ASS. I swear to God, it was ASS." - David Gborie, on after school suspension
• "I would just kick the ball with most of my friends." - Isaac, on his producer pick

Episode [504] - Italians - August 13, 2026

 The podcast whose mom is from Argentina and dad is from Italy.

Participants

• Ian Karmel: on the Tom Cruise cake list (the personal one, not just the office one), plugging the AFE 10 year anniversary show at the Aladdin Theater in Portland on September 26th
• Sean Jordan: wore Sergio Tacchini in honor of the guest, playing Sports Drink in New Orleans August 15th, Comedy Corner Underground in Minneapolis August 21st or 22nd, Lincoln Lodge in Chicago August 23rd, Motor City Comedy Festival in Detroit September 17th, and the AFE 10 year anniversary show September 26th
• David Gborie: no stand up dates on the books right now, doing shows locally in LA for the time being, wearing a red hat gifted to him by an artist after a show
• Albertina Rizzo (guest, @albzrizz): mom is from Argentina, dad was born in Italy, executive producer and showrunner of the Muppets holiday special with Sabrina Carpenter and Seth Rogen, had nothing to promote

Draft Order: Albertina, David, Sean, Ian

Serpentine Explanation: Sean skipped his usual bit this time. Albertina filled in with the plain version: front to back, back to front.

Round 1

Pick 1.1 | Albertina Rizzo | Martin Scorsese

Pick 1.2 | David Gborie | Leonardo da Vinci

Pick 1.3 | Sean Jordan | Robert De Niro

Pick 1.4 | Ian Karmel | Frank Sinatra

Round 2

Pick 2.1 | Ian Karmel | Galileo Galilei

Pick 2.2 | Sean Jordan | Lady Gaga (Stephanie Germanotta)

Pick 2.3 | David Gborie | Miuccia Prada

Pick 2.4 | Albertina Rizzo | Madonna

Round 3

Pick 3.1 | Albertina Rizzo | Alan Alda

Pick 3.2 | David Gborie | Stanley Tucci

Pick 3.3 | Sean Jordan | Luciano Pavarotti

Pick 3.4 | Ian Karmel | Artemisia Gentileschi

Round 4

Pick 4.1 | Ian Karmel | Quentin Tarantino

Pick 4.2 | Sean Jordan | Giovanni Ribisi

Pick 4.3 | David Gborie | Rocky Balboa

Pick 4.4 | Albertina Rizzo | Argentinians (drafted as a group)

Round 5

Pick 5.1 | Albertina Rizzo | Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band ("minus the drummer")

Pick 5.2 | David Gborie | Sylvester Stallone

Pick 5.3 | Sean Jordan | Antonio Margheriti

Pick 5.4 | Ian Karmel | Antonio Vivaldi

Producer's Pick

Isaac | Ferrari, referencing the Ferrari sneakers he was wearing during the episode

Honorable Mentions: Charles Ponzi; the Jacuzzi family; John Cazale; Isabella Rossellini; Kelly Ripa. Dan Brown was also mentioned earlier as being on Ian's list but wasn't ultimately drafted.

Quotes From This Episode

• "My mom's from Argentina. My dad was born in Italy." - Albertina Rizzo
• "No one tells a better story than that man." - Albertina Rizzo, on drafting Martin Scorsese
• "He's like the reason we say Renaissance man." - David Gborie, on drafting Leonardo da Vinci
• "I got to do it for my family." - Ian Karmel, on drafting Frank Sinatra