Episode [365]- The Suburbs- December 14, 2023

The podcast whose guest is mostly open-mic-er these days.

Participants

Ian Karmel: Claims mailbox money is still incredibly wet.

Sean Jordan: Living in his old bedroom surrounded by angel posters.

David Gborie: Reminiscing about fights and chaos at the Chinese Man Theater parking lot.

Shane Torres: Touring comedian and “The Blue-Eyed Mexican.”

Draft Order

This week’s winner of Rock, Paper, Scissors is Sean Jordan.

Serpentine explanation:

Like putting mustard on a Chicago glizzy — starting at the bottom and zig-zagging your way to the top.

Sean sets the draft order as:

Shane

Sean

David

Ian

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Round 1

Pick 1.1 | Shane Torres | Petty vandalism

Pick 1.2 | Sean Jordan | Chain restaurants

Pick 1.3 | David Gborie | Mom beefs

Pick 1.4 | Ian Karmel | Getting drunk at chain restaurants

⸻

Round 2

Pick 2.1 | Ian Karmel | Parks at night

Pick 2.2 | David Gborie | Holiday decorations

Pick 2.3 | Sean Jordan | Small summer festivals

Pick 2.4 | Shane Torres | Going into the city as a teenager

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Round 3

Pick 3.1 | Shane Torres | Finding a crooked convenience store that sells booze

Pick 3.2 | Sean Jordan | Slower driving

Pick 3.3 | David Gborie | Bands that only play suburban venues

Pick 3.4 | Ian Karmel | Well-stocked pantries

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Round 4

Pick 4.1 | Ian Karmel | The one independent coffee shop

Pick 4.2 | David Gborie | Hanging out in parking lots

Pick 4.3 | Sean Jordan | Bowling / entertainment complexes

Pick 4.4 | Shane Torres | Driving by friends doing chores and roasting them

⸻

Round 5

Pick 5.1 | Shane Torres | Getting drunk in a garage and staying up until the donut shop opens

Pick 5.2 | Sean Jordan | Booze cruising

Pick 5.3 | David Gborie | MILFs and DILFs

Pick 5.4 | Ian Karmel | Active construction sites

⸻

Notable Quotes

“San Francisco? With Nancy Pelosi?”-- Shane Torres

“Why would they put calorie counts on the menu at the Cheesecake Factory?"-- Ian Karmel

“If all bagels cost the same price, that’s socialism.”-- Ian Karmel